It was time for me to get away, to think and to hopefully mentally get a grasp of what is going on. I didn’t want to make any irrational decisions so I decided to play it safe. The following morning I left you a letter, hoping you wouldn’t think too much of it. I’m not quite sure I’m ready to leave you….
I didn’t want to call or interrupt your work day, I know you’ve been so busy. My Aunt Val called and asked if I could help her fix up her garden shed and being as though I have a few days off I thought now would be a perfect time. I should be back end of week. Love you!
Okay I get it, a total bullshit lie… well not completely. I did call my Aunt Val and ask if I could stay for a week, she also could use some help with her garden and shed but shed never ask me. I however didn’t have a few days off, so that would be my first stop. I pack my little ford focus with enough essentials for a weeks time and headed to the coffee house.
“Sammie! Hey, so my Aunt Val fell when she was out in her garden. She said she could use my help for a few days. Could you cover Tuesday and Thursday for me?” I sort of barged in looking for a quick answer. I always liked Sammie, she’s young, a college student and always looking for extra cash. An easy target to cover me for the week. She willingly took me up on the offer and said she was sorry to hear of the circumstances. I quickly jumped back into my car. I was dodging the chance of running into anyone else there- I was avoiding giving out anymore information. I didn’t want to get wrapped up into anymore lies…Wait, why am I lying? My whole life feels flipped and twisted and sometimes I don’t even know what I’m thinking or feeling? Either way I was about to have a few days of recovery, away from you, away from that cold, cold apartment.
My Aunt Val is someone I can always turn to. Not someone I would necessarily go to for advice in regards to you but she was always good company. Her partners name is Diane and they’ve been together for over twenty some years now and have a quaint cottage just outside of Portland, Maine. It’s really a quick road trip from Boston and to be honest the only place I could think of to go. Val is quite eccentric, she’s my mothers older sister but younger at heart. A yogi gardener who senses the yin and yang of mother nature, her guide to live her life in balance.
I pull up to the cottage, pale blue and radiating with comfort. The sun is shining and I see Val in the garden. Dressed in multi colored floral pants and a light blue hoodie from some local artists shop. She’s on her knees in the center of the garden, facing the sun and sending gratitude to the earth for this beautiful day. The sound of my car on her pebble drive doesn’t distract her, she’s fully in the moment. I walk inside and Diane immediately gives me a warm hug and offers me some hot tea. It smells of patchouli incense burning and root vegetables. I can smell the earth from the inside and I feel my body responding to the surrounding, I am calm. At this moment I feel okay and I don’t question my purpose being here. Val comes in as I take my first sip of the bitter raspberry tea. “I don’t want to alarm you honey but you haven’t any yang to your yin.” She places her rough hand under my chin and gives me a soft smile. ” You don’t have to explain a thing at the moment. Keep silent for now and It’ll come to you once your shell has cracked.” I began to cry, you don’t know a thing but you understand me and you can see my soul is wounded.
After supper we sat by the fire on the floor of the living room, each with a glass of red wine in our hand. Everything felt simple here and the world seemed less hard-hearted. We played cribbage and laughed till my exhausted eyes couldn’t focus on Val’s exhausted hands anymore. She sent me upstairs to get some rest. The room hugged me in the twin bed, wrapped in blankets. It was the softest touch I’ve felt in a long time. I find it interesting that a place could hold me and grace me with more security than the physical touch of your hands. I am home tonight and I think I made a good decision through little white lies.